Don’t Be This Guy.
I’m going to address this one to the fellas, just because I don’t normally see women behaving this way. It really goes for everyone though..
Before I begin, I want to say that this has nothing to do with safety rules, which we should all police each other on all the time. Hurt feelings or not, safety is paramount.
I want to tell you guys something that your girl wants to tell you, but holds back out of worry for hurting your feelings. I think it goes a little something like this:
“I really like going to the range with you. Shooting is really fun and it’s nice to have an activity we can enjoy together. But your unceasing, unsolicited critique of every detail of my shooting is annoying the bejesus out of me. If you don’t stop talking I’m going to have to pistol-whip you. Hush your face. Kthanksbye”.
Now dudes, don’t take this too hard. What your lady is trying to tell you is that she wants to keep going to the range with you. She likes shooting and guns, and you probably like how smokin’ hot she looks shooting that Glock like a champ. What no one likes, however, is the Advice Fairy. I think we’ve all seen this at one time or another at the range— a woman is shooting and starts experiencing some minor frustration about a facet of her technique. Instantly, several guys, including the one she’s with, seem to materialize out of the woodwork to diagnose, in excruciating detail, every shortcoming in her approach. Now, instead of just the one thing she’d like to improve, our woman hears that she is doing everything under the sun wrong. What was, up until a few moments ago a fun, relaxing activity, has suddenly become an awkward, frustrating situation.
While I know that it comes from a good place—I think most guys are just trying to help—this behavior often comes across as condescending and overbearing. Additionally, the person who acts as the Advice Fairy also tends to be the Fun Shark. It’s easy to suck all of the air out the room when you start foisting your knowledge on the unsuspecting people around you. You are also depriving your listener of the experience of troubleshooting and solving their own problems, which can be extremely satisfying.
Personally, I am very happy to ask for help when I need it. I am also genuinely interested in seeing how other people do things. When I’m at a class or training I am willing to take all of the criticism the instructor(s) have to offer. But, in a more leisurely setting, criticizing someone else’s technique is just kind of rude. I mean, you don’t criticize your neighbor’s driving while she’s backing into her garage, right? (If you do that, you should stop immediately, by the way).
Unsolicited advice can also back fire on you, achieving the opposite of what you are trying to accomplish. If you’ve ever watched Top Shot, or any other competition shooting, you know that a large part of how well a person performs on the range has to do with mindset. Once you lose your composure and start feeling flustered, things are going to go downhill fast. Good shooting comes from a calm, assertive, deliberate place. It’s hard to maintain that kind of confidence when you are being barraged with all the things you could be doing better. If your range partner always feels like they’re being judged, chances are, they’re not going to perform very well and probably not be motivated to continue shooting.
So, gentlemen, I have some unsolicited advice for you!
1) Before you give your lady, or anyone else for that matter, tips on shooting, ask yourself if it’s really something they NEED to know or if it’s just your opinion on the matter.
2) Either before or after you go to the range, ask her if she has any goals she’d like to achieve or areas for improvement that she’s been working on. Just listen. If she asks what you think, by all means, tell her. If not, hush it.
3) For every one piece of advice you feel compelled to give, say at least three encouraging things. Things like, “You are really good at this!” or “You’re doing a great job!” work very well, in my experience. Also it’s good to pinpoint specific areas that are improving, like grip or stance. If you can restructure your approach to be more encouragement based and less criticism-oriented, you will get much further.
4) Try to keep in mind that shooting is fun. That’s the main reason people like going to the range. Gun safety is serious and firearms deserve respect, but blasting away at targets is a really fun way to unwind. So, keep your inner Fun Shark/Advice Fairy under wraps at the gun range, and we can all have a good time.
Also, I drew a picture to illustrate my point. Hope it helps.
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