As I’ve said many times: Hollywood is not a good representation of real life. The bad part is that Hollywood is also many people’s only frame of reference. Take your average break in. How does Hollywood show it? A masked thief crouches by the back door with a tiny flashlight in his teeth as he delicately works on the door with a lockpick set. Meanwhile, his partner is on the side of the house disabling their security system because, as we all know, the best alarm systems always mount the control box outside. With a faint click, the lock is picked about the same time that his partner confirms the alarm is down. He slowly makes his way into the house, sometimes utilizing night vision goggles, and makes a beeline for the safe which is always in a wall in the upstairs office behind a painting. Using a stethoscope, or some high tech digital device, they silently and quickly open the safe and then take the money and jewelry. They make it back outside just as the owner of the house is waking up for a midnight snack (or making his way home after an evening of doing whatever it is that rich homeowners do late at night in movies).

In movies, it’s only giant sprawling mansions or luxury condos that get robbed and it’s always an elaborate and well planned operation by skilled professionals.

Reality, on the other hand, isn’t nearly as interesting. First off, it doesn’t matter what part of town the house is in. Rich, poor, or middle class, thieves are equal opportunity workers. They’ll walk past a house and notice that there’s no car in the driveway. They take a quick glance through whatever window happens to give a halfway decent view. Oh look, flat screen, no dogs, no alarm….looks like a good shot. If they feel like it, they’ll jump your fence and then smash your sliding glass door. If not, they’ll smash the window next to the front door (many houses have those) or the window that’s in the door itself. Then it’s easy to unlock the front door and make their way in. If they’re in a real hurry and not too concerned about noise, they’ll just kick the door in or pry it open with a crowbar. No fuss, no muss. From there it’s a mad dash to grab whatever they can carry then get out. Most robberies last only a couple of minutes. If they have a truck, they might take up to 10. You’d be surprised what they can accomplish in that amount of time. They go for the prime targets: electronics, jewelry, cash, wallets and meds. These are things that we all store in the same places. Jewelry will almost always be in the master bedroom in either the nightstand or a jewelry box that sticks out like a sore thumb. Wallet and money will almost always be on the dresser. Meds are always in either the kitchen or the medicine cabinet. Electronics, as you may have guessed, are almost impossible to hide and can be located with zero effort.

They’re not concerned about leaving no trace and being quiet. Their only concern is getting in and out before someone notices. It’s a crash and dash. Coming home to a completely wrecked place is a horrible feeling that I truly hope none of my readers ever have to experience.

The thing you have to realize is once a thief has decided to enter your place, they’re going to get in no matter what security you have.

So what do I mean by sleight of hand?

Well, like I said, these scumbags are looking for a quick and easy score. They’re not always looking to steal ALL your stuff, just enough to make breaking in worth it. The faster they find that, the faster they’re going to leave. So why not make it easy for them to find your stuff? Now, I’m not talking about leaving your family heirlooms on the front doorstep. I’m talking about playing a little prank on them.

Wanna learn a magic trick?

There’s a trick where a magician makes a drinking glass seem to pass through a table. He first places a glass on the table then covers it with a napkin. He waves his hand a couple times then checks underneath the napkin and announces it’s still there. He waves his hand again then pushes on top of the napkin and TADAAA! the napkin collapses and everyone watching hears the glass his the ground.. The glass has seemingly passed through the table and landed on the floor.

Now I’m going to break the magician’s code and explain the trick. When the magician checks to see if the glass is still there, he slides it to the edge of the table and the glass falls in his lap. The napkin, however, continues to hold the shape of the glass. The magician then smashes an empty napkin and lets the glass in his lap drop to the floor. The napkin serves as a decoy to convince the audience that nothing has changed.

Consider doing the same thing with your house!

For example, go to some garage sales and get some cheap but expensive looking costume jewelry and leave it in a logical place (on your dresser or in a nightstand drawer). Keep your real jewelry in some place that people wouldn’t normally keep it. Even get a cheap stand or jewelry box to store the fake stuff in and make sure it’s easy to find.

What else?

Well, if they’re going to your bedroom, they’re probably looking for 3 things: jewelry, cash and medications. We just talked about jewelry, what about cash? Do a search on Amazon or Google for “prop money”. When you see a suitcase full of cash in a movie or TV show, they didn’t go to a bank and withdraw a million bucks. They use prop money. This stuff looks real-ish and feels real-ish but only real enough to fool audience members when the camera pauses on it for about 10 seconds on the big screen. You wouldn’t be able to use this stuff at the local 7-11 store BUT when a thief glances at a small amount of it on your dresser in the dark while they’re in a hurry, it’s more than adequate. You can also find prop credit cards for the same purpose. Take some medium sized prop bills and maybe a prop credit card, fold it and put it in a cheap money clip and leave that right next to the jewelry or on your dresser.

For medicines, save some of your old Rx bottles and get some sugar pills from your local pharmacy. Mark the bottles in some discreet way to avoid confusion and keep those in your medicine cabinet. Keep your real stuff somewhere else.

The hope is that they’ll find this stuff and move on.

Computers? Take a look at some of those desks that hide the computer itself in a cabinet. Then, get a crappy one from a garage sale (I’ve seen some selling for $10) and leave it next to the desk. Details count, make sure there’s cables going into it. Heck, bundle them together and attach it to the desk so that they have to detach them from the back. Admittedly, this one is a bit far fetched BUT I’ve heard of it working before. In the end, your best defense here is to just backup your system regularly. A computer is an easy steal and a hard one to prevent.

Televisions? The bigger the better. If they can’t easily carry it there’s a good chance they’ll leave it, depending on how much time they feel that they have and how exposed they’d be. There’s justification for that 99 inch flat screen. You’re welcome.

Take a look at your house and determine the things that are most important to you. Once you’ve identified those things, look and see if there’s any way of setting up a decoy for them. Be creative. Remember, when someone is in a big hurry, their gullibility goes WAY up. It’s con-artists 101. If the person feels rushed, their brain will shut down. Use that to your advantage.  I’ve seen many cases where this exact thing has been successful but I’m not going to say this is 100% guaranteed to work. It’s certainly worth a try as that last line of defense.

Burglar and Decoy images used under creative commons license from Eastlaketimes and BotheredByBees, respectively.

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