Make them Cooler!
I was originally trying to do a fun list of the “Top 10 Fictional Guns We Wish Were Real”. After over a month of pouring through many guns from many movies, I gave up. As the great Frank Bama once said “indecision may or may not be my problem”. There were just so many awesome guns out there in the fictional world that I couldn’t narrow it down to ten and I’m admittedly too lazy to do a top 100.
There was, however, one thought that resonated through the dark depths of my geeky skull throughout my whole attempt to quantify and arrange these fantasy weapons: Companies could attract a lot more customers if they started making guns that look like the ones from video games and movies.
Now, I realize that there are certain legal restrictions to many of these weapons. More so, there is definitely that whole “laws of physics” thing getting in the way of others. I don’t care about that. I want something that looks as awesome as it works. Scratch that, I want a gun that looks so awesome that your brain melts just looking at it AND I want it to work as awesome as it looks!
There’s a good reason that the most commonly used handgun in movies is the Beretta 92: Its silhouette is unmistakable. When you see that slide with the section cut out and those sexy sloping lines, you know something awesome is about to happen. It’s a testament to the 92 that most prop handguns in Hollywood start with the Beretta’s frame.
The gun from Robocop, for example, started as a Beretta. The grip was modified and there was an extension added to the front. There are portings to reduce muzzle flip and the added length adds to the accuracy. What they wound up with was an iconic pistol that is almost immediately recognized (among geeks, at least) as “that gun from Robocop”. With a couple of tweaks, this could be a good and functional gun as well.
Kel-Tec seems to think so. Take a look at their PMR-30 and then look at that Robocop gun again. Not exactly the same but there are enough similarities to make me think there’s a few B-Movie buffs in the design department down in Cocoa, FL.
A single handgun that’s arguably inspired by one B-movie prop isn’t enough to satisfy me. Where is the imagination? Most guns make me smile when I shoot them but where are the guns that make me smile when I see them as well? Even if it’s a smile while I shake my head in disbelief, right Chiappa Rhino? Still, mega-props to Chiappa for thinking WAAAAY out of the box.
As I think about it, it seems like the small companies are the ones that are willing to risk going crazy with a design. Right off the top of my head, Kel-Tec, Kris and Chiappa seem to be the ones lighting tradition on fire. Big manufacturers just don’t want to take any risks, and that’s a shame.
You can bet that if a company where to make a working version of Sasha from Team Fortress 2, there would be a line of people at any trade show wanting to just get a picture of it (even if the company never plans on actually selling it). Heck, now that I think of it, just about ANY weapon from Halo or Team Fortress 2 would make for one hell of a marketing piece for any upstart company. You listening Kel-Tec?
Forget about practicality. I want to see those digital readouts showing number of bullets remaining and barrel temperature and such. I want to see more features packed into it than anyone would ever use. I want the Zorg ZF-1 with its missiles, net gun, poison darts, telephone (yes, there was a telephone on it) and more. These aren’t guns that I’m depending on to protect myself and my family. These are the guns I would own and shoot for the pure joy of it all. Much like how a sports car isn’t for hauling your kids to school with 80mpg. It’s for making you smile while you drive, and that’s a feeling that’s been lost.
I know many of you will nod in agreement. There are many others who will ask “why?” To those who ask “why I would want to see this level of useless-crazy coming from the firearms industry”, I have the following answer: if you have to ask why in the first place, there’s no way I could ever explain it to you.
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